WORLD INFORMATIONS: Things just aren't getting better... I'm a male, 24 years old. I've posted a similar sob story in offmychest before. I hate to sound like a broken record. But seriously, I feel like my life is in a state of crisis right now. I've never felt so lost, confused, and broken inside. I feel like I'm on the brink of reaching my breaking point. What that breaking point would entail exactly...I have no idea. But I definitely have a bad feeling about it. I seriously don't want to reach that breaking point. I honestly want things to improve. But there's no guarantee that they will. Back in June, I was involved in a car accident. My car was totaled. Before this accident, I had a slight feeling of optimism emerging within me. Things were looking up. I was finally on the road, driving around, and had a real sense of independence and freedom. As a result, my self confidence began to increase. I finally had a taste of freedom. But ever since that car accident, that taste of freedom was stripped away. I was provided with a rental car by my insurance company for a while, but sadly, I had to return that car back in July. So ever since, I've been car-less. And by the way...I don't want to go into extensive details, but the car accident was not my fault. I was hit by a careless and insane driver, in one of the most idiotic circumstances ever. I'll spare you the details. But that one careless driver basically shattered any optimism that I had left. Just thinking about it fills me with rage. But hey, what's done is done. I can't change what happened. It sucks my car was totaled though. I currently have a side-job. But dang...this side-job is not paying off, financially speaking. It takes me about a solid month to get my paycheck from my employer. And plus, I honestly hate the job as well. It's very slave-like. And the owners of the company are complete manipulative narcissists, who could care less about their employees or the quality of the workplace. It definitely isn't the career path I had in mind. This all goes back to my totaled vehicle. When having a car, the plan was, that I were to find a full time job, now that I had a reliable source of transportation. I was really excited about that notion. But sadly, my car was totaled before I could even make a move. One could argue that I could still find a job (without a source of transportation). But I've been down that road before. That just complicates everything. I can't rely on people for a source of transportation. And there aren't any reasonable jobs in my local area. So for the time being, as far as getting a well-paying job goes...I'm screwed. Having a vehicle would simplify all of this. But I don't have the money to buy a new car right now. The only shed of light that I have going for me, is that I'm supposedly waiting on a settlement from the insurance company. According to my lawyer, this settlement could potentially pay off big time. I'm really hoping that's the case. But there are certain indications that have led me to believe that this settlement may not go as planned. Or it may take a very long time. And 'time' is something that I definitely don't have. If I did receive a suffice settlement (which I'm certainly owed by the way), than I could buy a new car, and finally have a fresh start in life. If this settlement rolls through, it could drastically change my life for the better. But I guess I'll just have to wait and see. But so far, I'm definitely not pleased with how long the process is taking. I'm growing really impatient. So as far as transportation, my job, and my financial situation is concerned...things aren't looking too good. I can't stand living with my parents anymore. And it's not because I particularly hate my parents or anything like that. It's just that I'm sick of living at home, sick of looking at the same surroundings, and I feel like as a 24 year old, I shouldn't be living at home anymore. The thought of it is enough to make me wanna puke. Though, I must say, there is a bit more conflict with my parents than there used to be. But like I said, it's not because I hate them. It's just that my maturing mind isn't exactly content with the idea of living under the same roof as my parents. I need to move on. I need a fresh start. Hopefully, with this settlement money, I can get a place of my own, like an apartment. And then with a vehicle, I could support myself with a full time job. That's my plan anyway. That's what I'm preying for. I just can't live with my parents anymore. It's becoming exhausting. I don't care if I'm thrown to the wolves, have to work all the time, and live a life of constant financial demands. I'm willing to make many sacrifices to live on my own, support myself, and be independent. I don't think I can go one more year living with my parents. I'm reaching my breaking point in that regard. But still, I also feel really bad for my parents as well. Times are tough. My dad is also working at a job he hates and one that isn't paying off in any spectacular way. For example, he drives a super old car, that's on it's last leg, and could possibly break down at any given moment. And once that happens, he's screwed. There is no replacement. He's also awaiting settlement money (seeing that he was also involved with this car accident). Hopefully, he'll receive that money, and get himself a new car. He deserves it. It saddens to watch him drive around in the old clunker he's in currently. And plus, similar to myself, my dad is also 'extremely' bored and unsatisfied with his life. Keep in mind, it's not like he can afford to go on vacation or go buy new nice things. My dad's life basically consists of paying bills, going to work, watching TV, eating, and sleeping. A constant dull routine. I feel bad for him. He's bored out of his mind and is plagued by stress. But I don't know what to say to him. I have my struggles as well. My mom on the other hand...is a drug addict. She works like crazy to support her relentless drug habit. I also feel really bad for her as well. My mom has been a drug addict for many long years now. And honestly, I can't bring myself to give her the 'get clean and sober speech'. Cause our current circumstances, along with our overall household, is so utterly depressing, that I can't blame her for using drugs. It's her form of escapism. In many ways, I can fully understand why she does it. There's not a whole of inspiration to get clean. But still, with all of that said, her addiction is a vicious and unforgiving cycle. She literally puts all her money into drugs. She slaves away for her addiction. Don't get me wrong...I love my mom. I love both of my parents. I really do. But I just don't know what to say or do anymore. Our household is crumbling away. It's literally falling apart. It needs so much repairs. But neither me or my parents have the money, means, or motivation to fix it up. It would be much more satisfying to just walk away from the home and never look back. That's my plan anyway. That's why I want to get a place of my own. I'm done with this house. I mean, sure, it was once a good place to live. The home is filled with many good and bad memories. Memories that'll never forget. But I'm done. This house means nothing to me now. This home has become a broken lonely empty shell...similar to myself. The state of the home almost is representation of my state of mind. My mom though has this weird sense of motivation, believing that if we all just work together, that the home can be fixed up, and repaired. Technically, she's correct. But I don't have the want or motivation to fix it up. I'm done! But she doesn't understand that. I get what she's saying. And believe me...at one point, I considered that as a possibility. But nowadays, I could care less. This home is spent. It actually saddens me to see my mom cling on to such an empty sense of hope and optimism. I wish me and both of my parents could leave the home and never look back. But regardless...I plan on leaving. But it saddens me to think that I'll have leave my parents behind. Don't get me wrong, I'll still most likely visit them and see them daily, even once I get a place of my own. But still, I wish they could move on as well. I live in a ghetto-like area. The area is littered with drug addicts, prostitutes, homeless people, drunks, crime, etc. It's not a good place to live. Yet again, this is another reason why I want to move on, and why I don't see the point in fixing up my house. Why bother? Why bother fixing up a broken home, in a broken (metaphorically speaking) area? The overall surroundings are just ugly to look it. Yet again, similar to my house, the area is also filled with many good and bad memories. These memories are haunting me on a daily basis. I need to leave the area. It's not a healthy place for me to be. It weighs down on my well being. It weighs down on my spirit. I don't drink, use drugs, or even smoke cigarettes anymore. I used to though. I used to be a raging drunk and a complete druggie. I've changed so much. But being clean and sober hasn't made my life any easier. In fact, it's made it somewhat harder. Because now, I can't even go into denial. I can't drown my sorrows with booze, and use drugs as a form of escapism. Now I see everything for what it is. I see myself in a different light. And what I see...hurts me inside. I've been tempted to return to drugs, alcohol, and cigarettes. But what would that change? Nothing. It would just dig me deeper into a hole of despair, and would create a cycle of addiction. That's a nowhere road. Been there, done that. But addiction is something that lives on in the soul. Just because I'm not using anymore, doesn't mean I don't think about. Speaking of addiction, my ex-girlfriend is a meth addict. I've watched meth, in particular, destroy many lives. Meth is a terrible demonic drug. Now, to be clear, she is my ex. So you may ask yourself...why do you care? I ask myself the same thing. But this girl used to be beautiful, vibrant, intelligent, and so uplifting. Now she's a lost and broken soul. If you took a before and after picture, of what she used to look like...you'd be horrified. She's a completely different person now. She looks rough. She's missing a front tooth even. It's like night and day...not even the same girl anymore. Whenever I venture out into my area, I usually see her wandering about. She's a prostitute now. She sells her body for meth. And that's just sad. It's hard for me to accept that. Every time I see, it's nothing more than a haunting reminder. It's a reminder of why I need to leave this area. My best friend is also a meth addict. I don't have anymore friends. I'm completely alone. I'm not saying that all my friends are now drug addicts. But many of them have gone on to lead different lives. So overall, my social life is non-existent. I don't have a friend to turn to anymore. I worst of all, I don't have a girlfriend either. I hate being single. And yes, I hate not getting laid either. I need a sense of release. I have my needs. I've tried Tinder, but that's basically been a huge waste of time and money. I'm just at a loss for words. I don't know what to do. I could go on and on...but I'd rather not.