"Damn, she's pretty" I heard one of the young men say to the other, in the way only young men can sound.
"Yeah," said the other....
"I warn my co-workers about you any time you've come to pick me up. I tell them that my sister is coming, and to stay away from her," remarked my brother.
"She's alright, but she's nothing compared with you, obviously," they said of your new partner. They said it with such conviction, that I never questioned the integrity of the statement, even though there was clear reason for embellishment.
"Can we talk sometime?" She asked me. "I don't know what it is about you, but it seems like you have been through a great deal of trauma, something big. Yet you have this energy that you emit to everyone around you that is so positive. So uplifting." She said with a look of quizzical intrigue on her face.
My past month....
Beautiful.
It struck me.
Even at 40 years old, there is something different about me.
Not pretty.
Not cute.
But beautiful.
I always knew it was something special that I had, but I always just assumed it was a certain look. Though I never saw it as being any more than what any other striking looking girl might have, I knew that I had an effect that was unparalleled by other women.
When I was just an ugly duckling, back in grammar school, I remember there was an award ceremony at the close of every school year. There were all sorts of awards for academic achievement. I would always get 3 of them to take home. I would get the standard honor award, you know, the one where you don't get any Cs. I would get perfect attendance, which I secretly always thought that they should have given to my mother, rather than to me.... But then I got a special one. Most improved student. But I got it every. Damned. Year.
I always found that suspect. Like it was a pity prize or something.
But now.... Now I finally understand it. Why I always got the same award... even though the obvious prerequisite for it was to have been at a starting point so low, that I could make an enormous amount of positive change... I understand why people are drawn to me. I understand why I lose certain types of people, who were close to me, so often. I understand why I lost you.
Growth.
It's important to me.
It's more important to me than anything in this life.
It's more important than people.
Even my own children.
It was more important than you, too.
I'll never stop.
Not for you.
Not for anyone.
If someone tries to clip my wings, I'll she'd them with the feathers.
Even if I don't know I'm doing it.
Sabotage.
Im beautiful because I glow.
I glow with the fire of a will that can't be reckoned with.
I refuse to stop improving.
I refuse to let my past bleed into my tomorrows.
I am beautiful because I am the Phoenix.
Frightening.
Powerful.
Refreshed.
Colorful.
Anew.
Green.
Insatiable.
Determined.
Undeterred.
Empowered.
Utterly unique.
Eccentric.
Unafraid.
No, that is not the case at all. Sometimes the fear is so great that I cry from the thought of what I am compelled to do once I've identified it. I see it. It sees me. We lock eyes for one terrifying moment. Then I run.... Not away from it, no... Towards it. At full speed, and mad as hell. I'm not unafraid. I'm not fearless. I'm brave.
Faithful.
I don't know why I have faith, I just know that I do have faith. Not in any particular thing or idea, but I've got faith that if I bring to the table my very best, everyday, all will be well. Faith that bad times don't last forever. Faith that the only way to grow, is to overcome fear. Faith that if I face that fear, I will overcome it with joy and fascination. Faith that there is always a takeaway from the ashes of your losses. Faith in me.
Faith is beautiful.
Growth is beautiful...
Beautiful.....
That is what makes me beautiful.
I. am. beautiful. 💙💜
https://ift.tt/eA8V8J Submitted March 31, 2019 at 11:22AM by JustAdecoyDream https://ift.tt/2TNhvDE
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