Fell of the wagon for a month.

First post, long boring read ahead, sorry:I had been sober for about a year and a half. I’ve never really been a heavy drinker like everyone else I’ve known so kinda I feel out of my element here, but I do have a drinking problem. What started it was I got a retail job mid 2017 and picked up drinking for the 5 months I had the job.I quit drinking temporarily when I quit the job, not much in terms of withdrawals but by early 2018 I was back at it. I quit again in may of 2018, right before my niece was born. This time was worse and I almost went to rehab for withdrawals. Sweating, racing heart, heavy anxiety, bad insomnia. But I live with my grandmother and she had dealt with way worse with my drunken grandfather and we’re too broke to afford hospital bills. Not to mention my younger sister went to rehab 5-6 times for booze and then opioids, and I didn’t want all the attention. Sooo... I just plowed on.At worst I was going through a fifth of bourbon every 5 days so she didn’t feel I was that bad off, compared to my grandfather who died drinking while on dialysis. Or her friend, for example, who drank so much he would have full blown DTs while still drinking, would wake up in a rush at midnight and tell his wife the ferry was docking and they had to leave now.So I quit. And I was doing great up until this month. It was a bunch of things that started it. Having to move houses. Dealing with living where we are now. Dealing with my anxious dog and grumpy grandmother. Trivial stuff but because it’s the holiday season why not have a couple White Russians?This turned into having 1-2 drinks every other night, which quickly spiraled into “hey I need a bottle of grand marnier for my cranberry sauce recipe”, and of course fuck the cranberries, this is really for me. When that was half-gone, “hey I need a bottle of kraken for my annual rum balls”. And because I was trying to walk a thin line, I’d measure my booze out. One or two 1.5 oz drinks most nights. A day or two break here or there. I think I had maybe 3-4 drinks just once, on my worst night. I did make two big batches of rum balls this month, ate one batch and half of the second one.So here I am again quitting, hopefully for good. I had my last drink 3 days ago when I swigged off the same grand marnier bottle and dumped the rest down the drain, much to my grandmothers horror (“how DARE I waste half a bottle of booze when I’m trying to head off a drinking problem”, this coming from a teetotaler, money is more important I guess).Big mistake, it was like immediate hangover from maybe 3/4 ounce which amazed me. So my last drink was 3 days ago but before that I didn’t drink for three days. Now all the temptation in the house is gone, down the drain, reduced to atoms.I’m pretty sure I’ve got minor withdrawals, I feel stupid saying that coming from 2 drinks a day habit for hardly a full month. Especially after not drinking for a year and a half. I see online “men can have 2 drinks a night or no more than 14 a week”. Bullshit. I didn’t even reach 14 a week and I still feel minor withdrawals.My grandmother empathizes now and tells me not to worry. I’m really feeling the fear. Mainly it’s anxiety and acid reflux. If I focus on doing something the anxiety level goes down a bit, typing this out for example. I’ve noticed my ankles swollen lately, water retention I guess. They aren’t as swollen today. I craved sweets like crazy the first 2 days, I didn’t realize how much sugar was in just 2 drinks a night. Got a slightly sour stomach these last few days too. Trazodone and Prilosec helped me but now I’m on my own.Anyway that’s my story, thanks for reading. This all feels stupid to be typing out but I need to vent this anxiety somewhere. Keep telling myself I’m not dying from a 2 a day habit for a month. It’s really good inspiration to never drink again though. A year and a half clouds the mind to past withdrawals. Trying to quit smoking pot and that doesn’t help either, but that is a different story for another time. https://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/comments/ehv38m/fell_of_the_wagon_for_a_month/?utm_source=ifttt