Some Honest Advice on Trying to get a Relationship

Replied to a topic about how to get into a relationship. I wound up putting a bit more thought into it than I originally expected.Take it all with a grain of salt cause I’m spending NYE alone too. This is in my extremely limited experience on the matter.That being said, I wanted to make my own topic to get it out there. Maybe it’ll be helpful to someone, maybe not. At least it’s written down and available just in case and not hidden away in a reply.Depends on your age I find. Geographic location too.Here’s my thoughts on the matter. So you understand my perspective I am a straight mid-thirties white male that’s been on the west coast of Canada for most of my life. I am not unattractive, but I’m socially awkward most of the time. I’m not what I’d call terribly attractive either, solid 6.5-7 if I’m being generous that day. Every so often women make it known they are interested in me. I still am genuinely surprised when it happens.It’s easier in your younger years, thirties it gets pretty tough. You have to put yourself out there. Sounds cliche but I’ll try and explain. Even though it sounds simple it’s not. If you aren’t around people of the gender(s) you desire you won’t find anyone. Online dating isn’t something I’d recommend. It’s a numbers game and reduces people to just that, a game. And many people are on there for little else.The other thing to consider is that depending on what kind of person you are this could take time. It’s an investment you have to work towards. While it might happen sooner than you think, it could take a long time. With that level of potential work involved you have to honestly be ready for a relationship. Many people that want one aren’t really ready for it. It’s not easy.Here’s the biggest thing, you can’t actively be trying to find one. It can’t be the only thing on you brain. It’ll happen naturally if you stop trying to make it happen and try to enjoy things and have conversation because you just want to have he conversation. Don’t lead yourself by the nose.My suggestion for how to accomplish this... You have to either already have, or find, a hobby that has a social aspect to it. Hiking, sports, D&D, crafts, dancing, or art like painting, pottery, etc. Writing in a dark room or corner of a coffee shop isn’t likely to make it happen. You need to spark the chance of interaction. The next step is to go online and find a group, or multiple groups, that get together and appreciate the hobby you have. A writing group, a book club, a beginners dancing course, a pottery class, a hiking group. D&D groups are often looking for more players....And then you sign up and attend those groups.And here’s the hardest part, you have to let yourself potentially fail at them.Yeah. That’s the kicker. The group you enter might not be your fit. That’s 100% okay. Maybe it’s close enough and you decide if you work at it you’ll fit in. That’s up to you. But acknowledge that sometimes it’s just not a fit.Eventually, if you’re lucky, you might find a group that you fit in with.And that’s where you start to form platonic relationships with the people around you.One of those platonic relationships might wind up becoming something more.One thing to consider as well, personal hygiene matters. Groom yourself a bit, wear some slightly better clothes. Do laundry, get a haircut, etc. What matters a LOT less than most people think is their physical appearance outside of hygiene. If you are overweight, have a weird facial structure, or just generally consider yourself ugly for the hundreds of reasons you come up with, that’s you doing yourself a disservice. Hygiene and physical appearance aren’t the same. There are other people that are just as concerned about themselves being ugly as you are. And they all are lonely and want to be with someone. You could be that someone. You don’t have to work out and spend huge chunks of money on nice clothes to find someone. Just show that you’re willing to clean up a bit, it goes a long way.When you are with someone it can’t be for the explicit purpose of getting together. The thing you need to look for is really simple. Someone who you can talk to, and genuinely enjoy being around. Someone who you can be comfortable with. Once you stop pursing a relationship and just look for likeminded people to be yourself around the relationship part just sort of takes care of itself.Example: Even being with a group of all guys playing a game of D&D could lead to finding a girl. You make a friend, that friend invites you to a birthday party, that friend has a cousin who is a girl who shows up. Turns out she’s playing a game, it’s multiplayer, you ask if you can join her. She kicks your ass at it, you ask her for pointers. You both enjoy yourselves. Later that night you ask her if she wants to do some more multiplayer online later in the week, nothing more, just that. She says yes, a week or two down the road you guys are happily chatting away on discord and you both start to realize things are getting pretty flirty. Then you can ask her if she wants to go for coffee, or to a Comic-Con, or somewhere public that you know you’ll both enjoy yourselves. You don’t have to go full throttle to dinner and a movie. That comes later. Just find someone you can spend time with doing something you both enjoy. https://www.reddit.com/r/lonely/comments/eiak7u/some_honest_advice_on_trying_to_get_a_relationship/?utm_source=ifttt